It's funny because I have this distinct memory of how I felt driving past the familiar places that meant we were almost home when I was younger - what the exit looked like lined with endless green trees, "McDonald's park," the turn to get on our street, the sloping hill to our cul-de-sac - I still remember what it felt like to drive past those spots. Feelings of safety, rightness, and joy still come to mind. Nothing going on in the world mattered because when I saw those sights, I was home. 

The freeway exit we live off of now is nothing special; its kind of ugly to be honest. Too many weeds, too much traffic, and not enough *green.* the businesses that surround it are unattractive and the whole surrounding has the feeling of "we are here to make money, not to look good" to it. But every time we get off the exit, or come around the bend to go under the over pass, Carsen yells out "we home!!" And tonight it hit me that these are "the spots" in his memory. It doesn't even register to him that it's ugly, because all of it means he is safe, we are together, and all is right in the world. It means he is still young enough that Mom and Dad can make everything better, and all we have to do is get close to our house and familiarity washes over him. It means home is still something sacred. And in today's world, I consider being able to give my kids that assurance an incredible gift I will never take for granted. 


"I need to go practice mom because when I grow up, like when I am 8, I am going to be a dancer when someone is singing on a stage."

The music had already started, and she couldn't get those words out fast enough as she moved quickly onto the carpet to begin dancing. Her movement fluidly turned from walking into a punching March, and then straight into twirls. Her body just feels the music and moves accordingly with zero over-thinking it. In her mind, body, and soul, the chances of her being a background dancer on a stage is as likely as her breathing air today, or getting put in timeout at least once. It's going to happen. If she thinks it, she can be it. I'm not sure how as a mom you keep that sort of thinking cemented into a growing child, but you better believe I'm going to fight like crazy to try. 

Mostly a fashion update

I miss this little space of mine. Ive been okay with stepping back and focusing elsewhere, because it was very needed, but I hope that doesn't mean letting go of blogging entirely. I miss documenting my life this way. I'm currently trying to get our blog books organized (2013-2015, lol) and it's making me crave more of this in my life.

Since I have no clear place to start, here are the current and past trends, patterns, styles, and colors of Hadley's wardrobe - all in one place, and in terrible quality, for your viewing pleasure. You're welcome.

^^ Thats *six* pairs of underwear she is wearing


I remember during my pregnancy with Carsen, feeling sad that I was taking away Hadley's "only child" status. I knew we wanted more kids, and I was sure I wanted her to have siblings when she was grown. But I couldn't help feeling like I was being unfair to her somehow. She never asked for it, and we had a good thing going just the three of us. I loved having the chance to give her all my love and attention, and a piece of me was heartbroken over losing that. I guess I never could have really seen how much I was giving her by bringing Carsen into our family until I had seen it with my own eyes.

I didn't know that he would be the first person she wanted to see every single morning. That when she crawled into my bed before I felt it appropriate to be awake, she would use any noise as an excuse to go in and tell him good morning. I didn't know that he would ask for "shishey" anytime he woke up before her or lost sight of her throughout the day. I didn't know what it would be like to see the joy on their faces when they danced together or made lunch for each other without asking me. The way they play when they think I'm not looking is my favorite to see. I've never seen a face go from such frustration and annoyance of someone to sheer happiness quicker than they way the two of them interact. 

I couldn't fully understood that I wasn't taking anything away from Hadley - but instead giving her a best friend who can love, follow, and annoy her in a way I will never be able to. He is her favorite friend, and she is all he's ever known. And I love that they are mine. 

Hadi Says

"HAHAHAHAH mom what if my name was made out of POOP??"

"Sometimes my breathe gets lost so then I have to breathe in back in." 

"Let's play Harry potter. What is the name for the dark? I only know "lumos" for the light."

"I lumos-ed the whole house!"

"You know what mom? Barbie and the secret door is in real life. It IS REAL LIFE. It's at Disneyland."

H:"Is the place we are going far away?"
D:"Kind of, a little bit"
H:"So it's a little bit far but LOTS of close"

"Your bed is the hospital mom, so come watch my baby hatch"

D:"How are the Cheerios?"
H:"Freaking good."

from the back seat: "that was a freaking good chocolate."

I need someone to snuggle me. And then I need someone to feed me and snuggle me"

Hadley lives in her own imaginative world, and so she regularly makes up songs on the spot and sings them as she goes about her day/sits in time out. Usually I can't find my phone fast enough to write down the lyrics, but this is a snippet of one:
"Oh baby come out the door ol won't you think of me? Will you think of me tomorrow or today or will you think of me? And I'm like draw letters all of the day. Oh watch me all of the day but when you slickaway, did you know a bickaway? And I'm like cd come this way" 

"I was running super duper fast. That's why my energy is broke." 

"Guess why I'm putting stuff in my hat? Goofy puts stuff in his hat when he's in trouble and needs to have a party and stuff." 

"My mouth really wants chocolate chips and my stomach really wants m&m's"

"Mom look at those clouds! It's a upside down head! And look! It's a person wearing a tutu! And it's head is coming back, see that? Oh.. never mind. It's melting." 

"Guess how much I love you, mom? 66. No... 88." 

"Mom please don't do the things that I do when I am being mean. It's not nice for parents to do the mean things that kids do"

D: "You should eat more chickies (chicken)! You just ate one little piece and now all your other chickies are like "haaaaadiii, we want to go to the party in your tummy too!"
H: "No mom, my tummy is happy and full. There are enough persons in it. And they are like standing on each other and they are like all the way up to here (points to her throat). So if I eat another piece it will be up to there and make me cough. So, I'm not going to eat more."

"Guess how much I love you mom? One hundred eight ten BILLIUM"

"Mom one day could I hold your hand and we could fly up to the moon?"

Here's another snippet of a made up song:
"What should I do? What should I find? If you find it I will give it back to you. I search every time. I'll make it up to you. I shoouuulllld have listened to my familllyyyyy. What have I done I should have listened to my famillllyyyy. I didn't know I said a line. So every time I said it now, I should have listened to my family. Every time I'll give it back. I will say something what makes it up to you." 

"I'm chewing French fries so I can't talk to you."

D: "Hadi you have to try one bite of the soup"
H: "Fine. (takes a bite and gives a thumbs down) Ew it's bad. It tastes like ants. Ants eating blueberries and eggs. And a sea shell." 

"Want to know what I'm wishing for? For Cinderella to come, do you think it will happen? Ohhhhh maybe I need to wish it 5 times cuz I'm five. Hold on, don't talk to me, I'm making my wish."

"Sometimes when I am sad or mad, I put two skirts on and breathe"

Axtell, UT

To celebrate the end of school and the beginning of summer, we took a quick overnight trip to Grandma Rugg's with Kira and Brett and the kids. We ended our last day of preschool with a bang, and then packed up and set out on the 1 hour and 45 min drive to Axtell. 
(side note- Hadley's weird eye thing going on. 2 weeks after this, and 5 days of anti-biotic eye drops later I am still not quite sure whats going on or if it's better or not... insert annoyed face.)
I think the best part was getting the chance to let the kids run around wherever, whenever. Being in such a small town with so much land, the babes got to chase "hot guts" (pot guts), play in the hose, dump dirt on their heads, and play to their hearts content. It was childhood magic in the making. And I know Jakes Grandma was so thrilled to see everyone. Hadley and Carsen are lucky to have the great grandparents that they do. 

Preschool 2014-2015

Another year of preschool come and gone.

I won't pretend I didn't get a little emotional saying goodbye to those kids that afternoon. The kids who started this journey with us our first year are moving up to bigger and better things. Including Miss Hadley.

Hadley turns 5 years old 2 weeks past the deadline for kindergarten. Which leaves us with practically a full year to keep her challenged, excited, and away from both of us losing our minds. So for both of our sanity, Hadley is going to a new preschool for her last year, and we are getting almost a whole new set of kids for ours. I don't know if will ever get use to all the change and growing up, but I'm grateful for the fun and enriching year we had, and I'm excited for new one that sits before us. 
For our last day of preschool, the kids performed their "Very Hungry Caterpillar" play (they made all their own props!), received their pile of treasures from the year to take home (nature journals, daily plans and writing practices, one of the books we made throughout the year, and a card from us), and that was that. Before I knew it the chaos had settled and each kid had hugged me goodbye before setting off to begin their own summer. It was over just like that. 

It was such an honor to be entrusted with those kids, and to have played a small part in their year. I love my title of "miss dani," and I am excited to hear it again next year. I also am excited to wake up knowing i have no where I HAVE to be on Monday/Wednesday/Friday at 9:30 am. 

Let the summer activities begin!