Faith

I feel like something in my life is about to change, but I am not sure what.

The past day or two I've had this feeling that over the next year or so,

things are not going to stay the same. I don't think anything bad is going to happen;

In fact, I feel like it will be something beneficial. The feeling makes me a little nervous (because I don't like change) but I keep remembering a quote that my Dad told me last year when I was going through a big life change. He said "Faith is an openess to possibilities." That quote helped me through a lot and ended up helping me to find my husband, Jake.

I guess maybe all of this is just a part of getting older; learning new things..having different experiences.. all of them to help stretch me and make me a better person. I will be graduating next fall and I really hope that by that time, I am in a different "place" than I am now. I want to be ready to take on the world, not terrified of what to do next. I think it all comes down to faith though. Faith in my Heavenly Father that he knows me and what is best for me. Faith that I can do any task that is brought before me if I keep him by my side. And faith that if I remain open to the new experiences and possibilities he places in front of me, he will help mold and shape me into the person he and I both know I can become.

Who knows, maybe it's nothing. But maybe it will be something that will change my life. Kind of exciting, isn't it?

Dear Santa..

There are quite a few things i would be happy with this year, so really I will take anything.

But I would be Oh so happy if you could change my rental agreement around to fit in these little guys. Just the thought of them waiting underneath the tree or in my stocking is more then I can handle. See what you can do,

Thanks Santa,

Love Danica

Dear Brain,

I know this week has been hard on you,

and I know you have had your share of

homework stress the past couple weeks.

But we only have 2 more weeks to go...

If you can just give me 9 more decent pages

i promise to give you a break.

Oh and if you could do me a favor and

stop having a meltdown everytime i think the words

"Bryan's final test"

that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you kindly,

Sincerely, Me.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..

Oh T.V., how much joy you bring to my life.

Thank you for the distraction from finals that you bring..

And for the happiness I find in you week after week.

I hope the monthly comcast payment we give is enough payment for all you do.

Thank you.

Motivation

Today my sister texted me a quote that I love- although it was tweaked just a bit to fit my situation:

"The true test of a womans character is what it takes for the swine flu to stop her!!"

Thanks missy- I won't let it stop me! (if for no other reason, then to not have to drink this nasty stuff EVER again.)

Swine Flu?

We aren't really sure if this is what I've got, but whether it is Swine Flu or not, It sucks! I have all of the symptoms, but when I called my doctor to see how much the test cost, they told me they don't do the test. They just listen to your symptoms and say whether they think you have it or not.... I'm pretty sure I can do that myself, thanks. So now I am quarantined to the bedroom for who knows how long, just sitting here, covered

head to foot in my moms essential oils, feeling like

death. Fun, huh?

I am beautiful, just the way I am.

*Just to warn you all, this is a pretty lengthy post, so I won't judge you if you don't read it all :) it is just something that hit me pretty hard, so I had to write it down.*

Today I had a life changing experience. And when I say life changing, I mean it. In one of my classes this semester I forgot to do an assignment so I grabbed at the chance to do some extra credit. There was a lecture give this afternoon on body image in the UVU student center and if I went I got 5 extra credit points - and since my perfectionist self isn't satisfied with a B grade, I decided to go.

And I am forever grateful I went.

Quick background of myself, I have never been happy with my body - Ever. I have never been overweight or had an eating disorder, and my parents have always told me I was beautiful, but I have always struggled. My experience all through junior high, high school, and entering college has been somewhat based on my "need" and want to loose weight, and comparing myself to some of my best friends. I have thought about it at least everyday. One of my life goals I have written down is to have a "beautiful stomach at one time in my life." I look at skinny girls everyday and painfully long to look like them. On the other hand, I looked at beautiful girls who were "overweight" and I felt sorry. I have bought countless magazines with exercise workouts and "in shape" celebrities hoping that I could learn their secrets. And all this time I thought I had a healthy view of what it meant to be "in shape." I never struggled with an eating disorder or excessive working out, so that meant I was right in the way I thought.. right?

Wrong. And that clicked in my head today. When I walked into the lecture a few minutes late, here are some of the things she was going over:

• 56% of girls think that models have the perfect body, and 40% percent of girls only see flaws when they look in the mirror
• After only 3 minutes of reading a magazine, 70% of women feel depressed, guilty and shameful.
• only 2% of women in the world can call themselves beautiful
• 60% of kids have t.v.'s in their room - and over a 3 year period of time, those girls who had t.v.'s in their room had a 3x's higher rate of an eating disorder
• 90% of all women diet, and 90% of all diets fail after one year. By failing I mean those 90% gained the weight back, plus 10% more weight. Our country is dieting ourselves heavier.
• 14% of 5 year olds diet, 50% of 9 year olds diet, and 80% of 10 year olds diet, and 90% of high school girls diet.
• When Jennifer Aniston was on Friends she was working out 8x A DAY to keep her body the way it was. And when she was on the cover of Redbook magazine the only thing they kept of her body was her hand (it had her wedding ring on it) and her head. Everything else was airbrushed and someone else's body. Also it's not really Julia Roberts body on the cover of "Pretty Woman."
• Studies show that girls today are more afraid of getting fat than nuclear war or losing a parent.

I was shocked. Not only at the information that was being given, but because I understood and could relate to it. I starting realizing how distorted my view of "beautiful" was. I knew that a lot of the media wasn't real, but its hard to see a skinny beautiful woman on the cover of a magazine and not think its possible, if you work rreeeaallly hard, to look like that. You forget that its airbrushed, and start thinking of all the things you can do to start looking like that. She gave a healthier and better way to look at food and eating called "intuitive eating." Some tips she gave on that were:

• No scales or measuring cups
• No label reading or counting calories
• No more dieting!
• There are no "good" foods or "bad" foods - Everything in moderation!
• Exercise that you enjoy
• Honor your hunger and fullness (in takes about 3 months for you body to change from you old eating habits to know and understand when you are actually full.)
• Eat 3 meals a day and3 snacks a day

I was suprised how hard all of this information hit me, because alot of it I had heard before. But for some reason this time it clicked. I finally understood. I left the lecture once it was over and broke down crying because I realized I could finally love my body exactly the way it is. I can focus of eating well and exercising to stay healthy, but I no longer have to focus on the numbers and how much I weigh - it doesn't matter. And I don't need to compare my body to others because what's mine is mine and what's theirs is theirs. I went to the bathroom, looked at my "love handles" and my stomach and smiled. I guess I can finally cross off that life goal :)