*Warning: Long post about feelings and lots of spiritual stuff.*
I’ve been thinking and reflecting quite a bit today about life, my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and where my life is taking me. Me and Jake were able to go to the doctors today and we saw for the first time our little baby and we heard its heartbeat. It was so awesome and comforting to know there is something actually in there! Everything looked good and healthy I am already super anxious for April when we can find out what we are having J Later we took my niece Brinley out to lunch and when Jake asked me if I was ready for all of this, I got an overwhelming feeling of the importance of family and how there is no greater event/bond/feeling than that of family. I know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to with this baby and that there is nothing more important we could be doing than what we are preparing for.
After we got home I took a much needed nap and when I woke up I really wanted to read my scriptures. It’d been a while since I had and it felt so good to be able to sit and read and feel the spirit. It hit me that my relationship with my Heavenly Father is not where I want it to be. I want to be much closer and rely on him more than I have been. I feel like the past little while I have been trying to do things all on my own and it is really starting to wear on me. As I finished reading I said a prayer and starting listening to some music and I completely fell apart and starting crying on my floor (don’t worry, this is completely normal lately thanks to my wonderful hormones) and I felt for a moment like I really saw and got a good glimpse of what this life is really about. And the things that I have been focusing and spending my time on couldn’t be more far off from what Heavenly Father wants. I am doing righteous things, but my heart and spirit aren’t focused on the things of the Lord. In our world today is it SO incredibly easy to get off track and continue in that direction. I have fallen victim to that and I want it to change. I, my husband, and our baby deserve better. The song that I was listening to earlier, and that I have loved for a while, is called “What I Cannot Change” by Leann Rimes. If you haven’t heard it, check it out. The whole song is great, but the chorus is what really hits me. It says:
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can
I realized today that there are things in my life that I can change, and things that I cannot. I always seem to focus on the ones that I can’t change, and that needs to stop. I either need to learn to love, forgive, or let go of those things. And everything I can change, do it. I am going to try and focus on one part of my life that I want to change each month and really try and improve in that area. This month I want to focus on daily scripture study and prayer. The scriptures have such powerful words and good advice and I want them to become a tool I can turn to rather that it being “something I should do.” I am not posting about this so that others can read this and think better of me. I just use this blog as sort of a journal and I want to be able to look back and see myself progress in becoming a better wife, daughter, sister, friend, church member, and future mother. And who knows, maybe in the process I will become a little more the person I want to be.
photo found here


Kat said...

Dani I think you are great! So funny but I have felt the exact same way lately! Reading your blog post was like reading my mind! Seriously! I think you are wonderful and don't beat yourself up about change or anything. I can see that you are really trying, and I want to praise you for that! I admire you, Danica. You are so sweet. I miss seeing your face every MWF at 12 and 2. It really brightens my day. Thanks for this post.

Rebecca A said...

I love your blog! You're quotes are amazing and everything you say is just what I need to hear! Loves!

Seth + Carlie said...

I love this post. It makes me want to be better too. We should go to the temple again with our husbands since it has been a few months. Hope you are doing well.

The Sandovals said...

Its so exciting watching you start your little family! When you have kids is kinda redefines the word Love. It's so special! I loved reading this post. I have had similar thoughts recently as well. Not like I'm doing anything wrong I just wanna do more! Sal and I made some big goals spiritual wise for ourselves this year and have been sticking to them so far! If feels amazing and the blessing do come from faithfulness!

There are some cool questions in the first presidency message this month that really made me think. If you haven't read that you should it is an amazing talk.