Today I go back to school. And I don't know if I can do it.

I stayed home for the past 2 weeks for obvious reasons and I never thought it would be this hard to go back. For the past 9 months I have had the following conversation over and over:

Person: "So are you taking the semester off to have the baby?"
Me: "No.. I only have one class left until I graduate and if I don't take it in the fall I will have to wait a year to graduate.. So I am just gonna do it."
Person: "Oh yah, that is smart. That is going to be hard!"
Me: "Yah it will be pretty tough.. but its just one class and then I am done!"

I can't tell you how many times I have had that conversation and explained to people that it would be hard but that I was going to do it anyways. Did I actually know that it was going to be hard? Nope. Because if I had it wouldn't be hitting me like it is. I don't want to leave Hadley. I know, it's only an hour and 15 minutes. Get a grip right? But I don't want to do it. This class really isn't that bad which is a good thing, but it seems 10 times harder when all my time is going to this little baby. I have SO much more respect for moms who go to school full time. And those who work. I really don't know how they do it. Because all I have is one class and then I graduate and I would be perfectly content to drop it and stay home. 

I guess I will be happy once it's over.. right?


Seth + Carlie said...

Good luck Dani! You can do it! :)

Katy said...

You're doing the logical thing, and that's ok. I know it's hard, but one day, you will catch yourself being excited just to get out for class. Really needing a little bit of time away from the baby. And you'll feel bad for thinking it, but it's ok. You can do it. I promise it will get easier with time. Good luck!

Kati said...

Hang in there Dani!!! You can do it!! And you will be really glad when it's done! One class and then done! Wahoo! Stick with it, it will be worth it.

Sara said...

you are supermom! i have complete faith in you :) have i told you today how adorable hadley is? well, she is.

Lesa said...

I just left a comment and it got deleted! :(
Anyway, I think it's awesome you're sacrificing to finish and you will do great! :)

Jeannette & Brandt said...

Dani you can totally do it! I was in school full time when I had Peyton with 3 more weeks to go so I totally understand what you're going through when you say you don't want to leave your baby. That is probably the hardest part about it- but then again it will be so good for you to take that time away from her and just be yourself and get a small break. You will definitely be happy once it is all over and you are GRADUATED! You're an amazing mom and doing a great job!
Oh and p.s.- it is okay to cry!! I went back to school a week after having Peyton and it was only one hour and I missed her so much. It is totally normal to feel that way and to just cry :)

Steph said...

You can do it superwoman! It is hard to leave the tiny precious thing you have been hauling around with you for the last 9 plus months. Just remember who you are doing all these amazing things for my guess is for you family and the wonderful new addition you now have. It wont last forever just think of how great it will feel to have it done! Good luck! p.s. its totally normal to not want to leave your baby! I never wanted to leave mine til they got older and I realized they would be okay without me for a little bit then we all end up happier :)

derek and kimber said...

So.. can I give you some advice?

I had Paityn on the DAY that my fall semester started. In fact, before I went in for my c-section I was frantically emailing my teachers to tell them I wouldn't make it until the next week. That was a monday - the following monday I attended my first class. I took 2 on campus classes and one online class.

It was super hard to leave her that early (plus I was nursing and so I had to SCHEDULE and plan her eating right before I left. or else OUCH)

Anyway - it was rough the first couple times.. but it actually ended up being nice to get a few moments to think, breath and have adult interaction. :-)

You will do great. :-)