In a funk.

By a lucky fluke I made it to sacrament meeting today at church. Hadley's sleep has been off today (no, like, more than normal if thats possible) and so she was going down for her nap right at 11 when church starts. I figured it just wasn't going to happen today since I wasn't even dressed yet. But for some reason I decided I wanted to rush and just at least try to get there for the sacrament. I walked in right at the sacrament was over but I figured since Hadley was asleep and Jake had all that under control at home I would just stay and enjoy a rare meeting without holding a baby. I'm so glad I stayed.

Our friends, The Call's, were speaking and they, of course, both gave wonderful talks and said some things I really needed to hear. You see, I've been in a funk lately. And I don't even like that word so the fact that I said it is saying something. Ew- such a weird word. Anyways - I've been having a issue with the whole church and Sunday thing. Ever since being pregnant/having a baby/my life kinda turning upside-down, I haven't made it to a whole lot of church meetings for all sorts of reasons that I won't bore you with.  And when I wasn't there I was justifying and telling myself that it was fine because of              {insert long list of excuses}. I got a little bitter and started thinking that everyone was judging me for not being there (i guarantee no one even noticed or cared, that is just my personality for ya) and I started getting upset. I was mad that I was supposed to be at church just because "that is what you do on Sundays," or that me not being there for all three meetings (or even one) meant to myself and other people that I was a "bad mormon." Again, no one ever said anything like this to me, but I made it up to be that way in my head. Well, back to the original story, Kristin was speaking about keeping the Sabbath day holy and she said something that made me think. She said that she was doing those things because her Heavenly Father deserved it. He deserved to have a day where she set aside the time to remember him and respect that day by doing/not doing various things. I realized that my being or not being at church has nothing to do with anyone else or their opinions of me. It all comes down to doing it out of my respect and love for my Heavenly Father and the fact that he deserves that from me after all he has done for me. I can read my scriptures/serve those around me/everything else out of respect and love for him, not to prove anything to anyone else. My faith and my relationship with God is just that - mine. Its such a simple and beautiful concept, but it's one I tend to forget.

So here's to getting things back on track - and shoving all those bad thoughts and feelings out the window. Happy Sunday all.

1 comment:

Steph said...

Love this post! It's very true its so great how we can all have our own special relationship with him that is just ours! Thanks for sharing this.