I am worthy. I am enough.

It finally clicked. It's been years and years coming, but slowly and steadily I recently came to the realization that I am enough the way that I am. 

There's a lie that circles around us that says "If only I was _______ I would be happy." What's worse is when people would try and tell me it simply wasn't true, I was brush it off thinking "yah, but if I was ______ then I really would be happy. Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it wont work for me. Turns out though, it didn't work for me.

I don't have to be skinny to be happy.
I don't have to have a perfect house to be enough.
I don't have to make every decision right to be worth something.
I don't have to have the things everyone else has to feel peace and accomplishment.

Suddenly my focus has shifted from outside appearances, onto inside ones. The ones that really matter. Like my relationship with Heavenly Father and my testimony of his gospel;  like my quest for self-love and a gratitude for my body; like my relationship with Jake, and my calling as a mother to Hadley. When those things come first, the previous list of "I need these to be happy" seem so incredibly trivial and unimportant. There is so much hope and happiness when you let those things go.

I may never be a size where my love handles don't hang over my pants. I try to be healthy and I am doing the very best I can with what I have got in this moment and that is enough. I deserve happiness in this body.

I clean and organize as best as I am capable. My abilities to keep up with those things have been sort of like a roller coaster: exciting highs, and plummeting lows. But I show up, and I try each day. That is worthy of self-respect and appreciation.

I make wrong decisions in the moment. I lose my patience. I forget perspective and let outside voices direct my actions. I get frustrated that I don't have what others have. But I start over and try to make better choices next time. I write sticky notes and drafts in my phone to keep positivity surrounding me. I try to start each day in my scriptures searching for every bit of truth I can find. I believe I am doing what is asked of me and I don't have to be perfect before I am enough. I am worth so much the way that I am - especially with all my imperfections and weaknesses.

There is so much power in deciding to be happy right now in these circumstances I am in. I have the choice between misery and happiness right now.

I am better today than I was yesterday, and I pray that I am better tomorrow than I am today. 
But today, right now, this moment -

I am worthy.
I am enough.

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. - Brene Brown


Brissa said...

"i don't have to be skinny to be happy."
Dani, I need that. this whole post is something i'm working on. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!

Rebecca A said...

Awesome post! Thanks so much - I really needed this today!

Hailey. said...

Thanks for this post! Loved it!


Courtney B said...

I LOVE this! I can't even begin to tell you how badly I needed this today. Thank you for sharing. And you're right.... I AM enough. I need to stop beating myself up over the little things because it's just. not. worth it.

Dave and Lizzie said...

Beautifully written. Been working on just that. Man, it sure is hard to get there though, isn't it?

rachel said...

I was just going through my "things that inspire me" folder (because I can't sleep and I'm PISSED about it) and realized I never commented on this. Well done, sister. Beautifully written and painfully true. You da best!