Postpartum


Hormones
crying
baby snuggles
crying
overwhelmed
crying
thirsty
hungry
dairy-free
"there's no end"
arguing and losing to a 3 year old
nursing x infinity
baby poop
perfect baby face
tiny smiles
crying
I want to sleep
...
crying.

It's the part no one really wants to talk about. I mean, who wants to sit and complain when you have a perfectly perfect chubby little baby snuggled in your arms? But the constant back and forth, "no control over what I'm feeling" get's in the way of staring at that little face and knowing how to help Hadley through this transition. Those "feelings" are a little too up in my business in the worst way possible.

It's a frustrating place to be, with no real power to change anything, and the only battle plan is "let's just make it through this hour." And after many tears and many prayers, the hours pass, Jake gets home, and I can breathe again. Overwhelmingness aside though, we're doing okay around here. We're alive and healthy, Hadley is still random and crazy, and baby boy is everything I never knew I wanted. But I'm just about ready to tell these hormones to shove it and to leave as fast as their stupid legs can carry them. Let's just get out of this phase and get back to the "crying in commercials and t.v. shows" one. I'm good at that one.

2 comments:

Katy said...

Hang in there. Find Hadi a new movie to watch, get jake to stock up on yummies for you. You can do this. There will be less crying days eventually.

Jessie said...

Ohhh, you poor girl. How I remember! But if I survived, you can too! :) Can grandma or a friend come relieve you of Haddie from time to time? It was a neighbor friend who helped give me some sanity during those first weeks with two by taking Jed for some play dates.