To my girl


Hadi I've been so negative when it comes to you lately and I want to apologize for it. I keep having the feeling I need to be more positive in the way I talk about you. Maybe you are feeling all the negativity from my words the same way I am. This stage is so. hard. This stage with you has challenged me in ways I never knew possible. You are growing so fast and I want to soak up every ounce of it while I can, but it's hard when I'm already so full of frustration and my patience is on empty. I pray something gets a little easier. I want to sit at the end of the day and feel gratitude for our interactions, rather than just relieved I have a few hours before the fight reconvenes.  I'm tired, dad is tired, and I know you are too. Maybe that surrendering white flag is hidden somewhere in the mess of your room. Somewhere between the dress ups, the dolls hiding in your kitchen "from the wind"  and the books filled with your money that you "buyed for me."

I love your spirit and your crazy funny personality. I love your questions and your ideas that come flying hot off that wheel that never stops moving in your head. I love the way you bounce and dance and groove through your everyday motions like pulling forks out of the drawer. I love the silly faces you make at every opportunity, and the made-up words you use in addition to normal ones - just to make words that much more fun. You are confident. You are fun. You are brave. You are outgoing. You are more spirited than I thought was possible for one being. And yet you are sweet and loving and kind - as long as you can do those things with flair. There is such a "hadi-ness" to you that cannot be put into words, it has to be experienced. Anyone who has met you could nod their head at that sentence and agree. As I'm typing I'm picturing your goofy walk you do when you're trying to make me laugh - the one that moves those tiny hips side to side, your shoulders back to front, and your face that makes "that voice" come out of your mouth. You know the one. The one I always laugh at when I know I shouldn't. The one that you came up with all on your own. 

I'm typing and laughing and crying all at once because I am so full of love for you I could burst. I just hope the past year of struggle (and I am sure the years ahead that will follow, because let's be honest, that attitude has no where to go but up) don't get in the way of you knowing and feeling everything I love about you. Because miss Hadi, I love so much about you. Don't you forget it. 

1 comment:

Madi said...

hahah that face. this girl is the craziest best child i've ever met.