A Homecoming

I grin up at Him, and she runs to me. He confidently stands back and observes, smiling, as she looks me over. Am I whole and healthy? A mix of hugs and tears with “You are beautiful!” and “you’ve grown so much!”, and “Why didn’t you ever floss your teeth?!”

She holds me and cries as my Father kisses me on the head and leaves us to talk. He will be back, because her turn comes first. “Let’s talk about everything from the moment you left,” she says. Her voice shakes as I hear her recount placing me into my mom’s arms on the day I was born. We laugh as I tell her all about my tomboy phase and my awkward junior high years. We talk endlessly about my family, friends, and school experiences. All the details only a mother could want to hear.

 “Tell me about your babies,” she says quietly as tears roll down her cheeks. She lets me explain the best I can, while already knowing there are no words. “When Hadley left my arms and took hold in your family, I stood in awe, waiting, because I knew what it meant for you. No spirit that strong and incredible could leave the world untouched, and it was stunning to watch it all take place. And Carsen! Sweet Carsen. That boy was willing and ready to bring to your family exactly what was needed. He stood next to me through your miscarriages begging for it to be his turn. He loves you, my dear. He loves all of you. It was such a joy to watch you raise him.”

We spend hours, or days, discussing the role of “mother.” The purposes of each time I felt alone or defeated. All of the times I prayed to understand. There is so much I never saw that she reminds me of. “You knew it all along, or else you would have given up long ago. It just took a while to sort out all the jumbled pieces. You’ve got time now, though. There is so much we’ve been waiting to show you.”

She kisses me on the forehead and stands to leave. I watch her as she walks across the room, so full of light and warmth. I can’t believe I am finally here. She pauses, and turns around with a sighing smile. “We never left you, you know, Your Father and I. We were there the whole time. I know how difficult it was, but you’re here now, and I hope you know how proud we are. It’s so good to have you home.


Kayla said...

dani. oh my gosh - this is beautiful and i love you lots.

Brissa said...

Oh my heart. I'm crying. This is so, so beautiful.

Kristin DiCristofano said...

This is beautiful.

Danica Holdaway said...


Jessie said...

You're a writer in the truest best sense. Please tell me more! This was beautiful.