I remember during my pregnancy with Carsen, feeling sad that I was taking away Hadley's "only child" status. I knew we wanted more kids, and I was sure I wanted her to have siblings when she was grown. But I couldn't help feeling like I was being unfair to her somehow. She never asked for it, and we had a good thing going just the three of us. I loved having the chance to give her all my love and attention, and a piece of me was heartbroken over losing that. I guess I never could have really seen how much I was giving her by bringing Carsen into our family until I had seen it with my own eyes.

I didn't know that he would be the first person she wanted to see every single morning. That when she crawled into my bed before I felt it appropriate to be awake, she would use any noise as an excuse to go in and tell him good morning. I didn't know that he would ask for "shishey" anytime he woke up before her or lost sight of her throughout the day. I didn't know what it would be like to see the joy on their faces when they danced together or made lunch for each other without asking me. The way they play when they think I'm not looking is my favorite to see. I've never seen a face go from such frustration and annoyance of someone to sheer happiness quicker than they way the two of them interact. 

I couldn't fully understood that I wasn't taking anything away from Hadley - but instead giving her a best friend who can love, follow, and annoy her in a way I will never be able to. He is her favorite friend, and she is all he's ever known. And I love that they are mine. 


Brissa Christensen said...

This. Is. Beautiful.

I feel the same way about Jude and Ezra. There's something so sweet and magical about siblings.

Britt Hanson said...

I love this. I just had my second last week and I've been feeling the same way you did... So reading this helped ease my fears. Thanks!